Above: The now-deceased San Angelo Swimmies in their 1996 calendar.

     The watery catastrophe began when Burke Davis, former Team Captain of the Swimmies, accidentally lost control of his upper torso in a tricky lutz spin, took a nasty dive, and never surfaced. His fifteen other teammates, trained for ten years to follow their Team Captain’s exact movements, then proceeded to immediately drown themselves in a similar manner.

     Pandemonium then slowly broke out as the bored audience figured out that the mass-drowning was not part of the performance. 

     Walter Grifey, who helped drag the sixteen slippery carcasses from the pool, stated, “At first I was pissed when my wife woke me up, then I was real pissed when I saw that all of them queers had already drowned. I missed all of it. If I knew it was gonna be that dangerous, I would have watched it every weekend.”

     Various public groups, agreeing that synchronized swimming poses too many health hazards for its participants, expressed a growing fear of similar occurrences in the future and called for the Synchronized Sports Commission to step in.  Commission members then held their first meeting since the Commission’s inception in 1964.   

	Above: Grueler must now find a way to swim in pudding with floaties on.