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Detroit Shell Station Still Mistaken for "Hell" A gang of pranksters recently brought business to a stand-still for the Shell station located at the 5500 corner of Hensley and Gallamore Street in Detroit, Michigan. Luke Pinsworth, Shell station manager, asks for any help or information on the happenings that almost cost him his store.
According to Detective Sam Yun, the incident likely occurred around 2 A.M. last Saturday, when a rowdy group of vandals approached the Shell gas station and somehow removed the letter “S” from the sign. The sign then became an advertisement for “Hell.” “When the gas station opened for business the following morning, no dadgum customers would come near the dadgum place,” a frustrated Pinsworth said. “I think people was goin’ to church and they didn’t also want to go to Hell, even if they were a little low on gas.”
After a long Sunday of watching cars speed past, Pinsworth attempted to paint a crude “S” on the sign with some tomato paste. However, Pinsworth said, “It ended up looking like a menacing snake, which only frightened off more dagum customers that we didn’t really have.” Pinsworth brainstormed that night and returned to work Monday dressed up as Jesus Christ. As he repeatedly offered to pump free gas to every car that went by, he was spat upon, cursed at, and pelted with garbage. “Around midnight that night, some vampire-looking kids came in, thinking it was some new Gothic dance club. I let the little weirdos dance around for a while inside, but they didn’t look like they were having too much fun, so I called the cops.”
The guilty party in this debacle has yet to be found, though Pinsworth has posted numerous hefty rewards on a series of makeshift signs in the perpetually-empty store. Local church youth groups have banded together to protest the controversial gas station and its frazzled owner. Pinsworth hopes to soon coax some of the youths into the store so he can sell them cigarettes and pornographic magazines. Until then, anybody with a big letter “S” that would fit on a Shell sign can contact Mr. Pinsworth at the Hell station on the 5500 corner of Hensley and Galamore Street in Detroit, Michigan. |
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