I was taking a Geology class at LSU when I first noticed Lindsey. As far as I could tell she met my requirements – she dressed nice, smiled nice and looked nice. For weeks I sat a couple of rows behind her, completely content with having no idea where she was from or what she sounded like. It’s not that I was shy, it was just that from a distance we had a good thing going.

A couple of months into class I approached Lindsey and we had lunch. Although it was pretty clear we were two very different people, I decided to pursue her. After not getting what I wanted, we grew into a strong friendship that continued over the next two years. Not Chris Masters’ Masterlock strong, but definitely Rick Martel Boston Crab strong. I was there while she dealt with several awful relationships. I was there when she experimented with alcohol and drugs for the first time. Our friendship was strong but it felt like a tease.

My relationship with The Big Show is very similar. I was never really into giants. Sure, they seem to meet my wrestler requirements – very intimidating, lots of hype, probably a pretty decent finisher. The more I saw the “largest athlete in the world”, the more it was clear he was not my kind of wrestler, so I always sat a few rows back. He was involved in too many goofy gimmicks and big man vs. big man matches to draw me any closer. Despite this, I’ve always kept one eye on him and was there when he mimicked other wrestler’s gimmicks and when he joined the half-assed stable “The Union”, easily the professional wrestling equivalent of an abusive relationship and breaking your drugs/alcohol cherry. I knew there was potential, but every decent angle seemed like a tease.

The Big Show averages one really good feud, one terrible feud and one extra-mediocre feud every year. In 1999 he surprisingly won the World Title at Survivor Series (good), worked a program with Big Bossman over his dead father and became the first big man to wear the championship belt across his waist as opposed to over his shoulder (terrible) and got himself all concerned with the tag-team titles (extra-mediocre). In 2002 he feuded with Brock Lesnar (strecher match, Survivor Series main event and the suplex-through-the-ring match – really good), Booker T (extra-mediocre) and Mr. America (terrible). Later he “quit” the WWE while threatening to throw Torrie Wilson off a ledge and actually throwing Kurt Angle off (good), fought an actual sumo wrestler at Wrestlemania (terrible), and worked an actual program with Gene Snitsky (very very extra-mediocre). He’s consistently the most misused wrestler on the roster. Who else on the current roster has spent the past decade consistently floating between the bottom, the middle, and the top?

I’ve always wanted to see the same Big Show who used Rey Mysterio as a baseball bat to try and knock off a ring post. The Big Show that screams before he choke slams somebody every-single-time. I want to see these Big Shows all year long. The one who acts like the first ever professional wrestler to hold the WWE, WCW, and ECW Championships. The more heat we put on The Big Show now, the better it is short term (pulling off several title-less feuds capable of headlining pay-per-views) as well as long term (putting over a new talent like The Miz who, by the way, might be my new favorite wrestler).

I’m not completely sure, but….I think we’re finally getting that Big Show. When he chokeslammed John Cena through that spotlight on Backlash (above) I jumped. When he punched Rey Mysterio in the throat and then pinned him clean, I flipped. Are we going to be treated to seeing a 7 foot tall 500 pound man wrestle like a 7 foot tall 500 pound man or are we going to see Big Show work another cartoon character angle (Big Show rides a bike to the ring! IT’S TOO SMALL THOUGH, LOOK AT HIM RIDING THAT SMALL BIKE! WELLLLL IT’S THE BIG SHOW!)?

Here are my guidelines for a successful 2009/2010 for Big Show.

- injure at least one wrestler a month, keeping track along the way (this makes for a great Survivor Series match: The Big Show vs. 5 Coming back from Injury Wrestlers)
- defeat John Cena at Judgement Day
- defeat John Cena at the rematch on RAW that John Cena will demand (hopefully in a freestyle rap, I miss that!!!)
- say something along the lines of, “I don’t care about being the world champion just yet. I’d rather end some careers” at least once
- a victory in at least one gimmick match (I’m thinking vs. MVP in a Hell in a Cell at Summerslam)
- avoid feuds with other big men for at least 6 months (Put two lightweights in a match and you get lightning. Two big guys and you get a flickering lamp in the kitchen)

I talked to Lindsey recently and she’s doing really well. She met somebody, moved back to Louisiana and his making plans to open her own boutique. The last time I saw The Big Show he was choking an injured John Cena for far too long, screaming loudly along the way. I’ve been fooled before, but things are looking up.

The Really Good, the Terrible and the Extra-Mediocre of The Big Show on YouTube

vs. Brock Lesnar at Judgement Day (The Really Good)

vs. Floyd Mayweather at Wrestlemania 24 (The Terrible)

vs. Kurt Angle at Backlash (The Extra-Mediocre)

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