A Monstrous recap of the 2009 Air Sex World Championships Tour
July 5th, 2009
While this post covers most of the tour, it ain’t the authority of the sex that went down. For that, head to the official site where all the blogs, videos and photos live. And if listening is your thing, check the official Podcast , hosted on Studio8.net‘s iTunes page, where you should be subscribed to already.
Atlanta
I’ve done lots of improv shows in Atlanta so I know everything possible that there is to know about this town. There are lots of buildings scattered across it, some fun restaurants (including this favorite from the Local Flavor tour) and one day people might consider it large enough to be a city. Our show was at Lenny’s Bar. We invited Peer Pressure to perform at the show so they drove all the dadgum way from Birmingham to fuck and sign an ottoman. I kept forgetting what part of Alabama they were from and “Relentless” told me to remember where my grandpappy used to live. I’m impressed that he knows this until I realize that we had already spent a large portion of our time together discussing my child time road trips. Peer Pressure practically begged me for a copy of My Wiener Touches the Ceiling so I sold them one at a 25% markup. We had a really fun radio spot (that I didn’t realize was being filmed so I made all these really dumb faces as if I hadn’t been on the radio before but you guys I have definitely been on the radio before, get off my back!) and then watched Caveman Sex earned his spot in the Air Sex World Championships Finals.
Read the official blog post from the official Air Sex World Championships website
Look at the official photos from the official Air Sex World Championships FlickR set.
Washington D.C.
The Rock and Roll Hotel was one of the nicest venues on the tour. It was laid out like a hotel (or rather, was a hotel before it was a music venue. Possibly a music venue first and then someone realized it would make a good hotel but then someone else was like, “No, this should definitely be a music venue.”) We did all the things that people in Washington D.C. do, like eat at Ben’s Chili Bowl, go look at the Lincoln Memorial and distract a security guard while Joel Keith pretends the Washington Monument is a penis. I’m almost certain we were not the first to do this, but we were the first to do it with class. The Decider interviewed me before I knew I was talking to the Decider and wrote this article that makes me sound like I thought D.C. was a piece of shit (I didn’t). Auto-Asphyxia grabbed the next slot in the World Finals while acts like Red Hot Chili Pussy and Spider Pussy fell short.
Read the official blog post from the official Air Sex World Championships website
Look at the official photos from the official Air Sex World Championships FlickR set.
New York City
The Highline Ballroom was packed as fuck with all sorts of fancy people. In an order so particular: Penthouse Pet of the Year nineteen-ninety-something and then me, Chris Trew. In a very proud moment that nobody (everybody?) from Covington High School c/o 1999 saw coming, I introduced Dirty D as a competitor (formerly known as my best friend and partner in crime Dustin Diaz) and fought back tears as he had Air Sex with two women at once. I think we did this same act at Homecoming 1997. On paper the winner was Urshur, but the real winners were the audience. We saw an accidental tit-flash, lots of nasty Air Sex, lots of awkward Air Sex and lots of hilarious Air Sex. If everybody at the show followed me on Twitter like they said they would I would meet my August 2009 goal of ten million followers because there were about ten million people there and all of them thought I was really hilarious.
And peep this keeper: I am “Energetic and Razor Sharp” – The Gothamist
Read the official blog post from the official Air Sex World Championships website
Look at the official photos from the official Air Sex World Championships FlickR set.
Toronto
Down the street from our venue, El Mocambo, we had Chinese food. I thought I was getting a plate of shrimp in lobster sauce but really I got a bowl of shrimp in lobster sauce so you can imagine how pissed off I was. I considered the capital city of Canada a bust until the show started. Toronto easily had some of the best overall competitors, perhaps thanks to KPR and the Impatient Theatre Co. who provided several improvisers to take part in the competition. We hung out at Niagra Falls and thought about Niagra Falls during the hang out. We were told to get Poutain before we left but were warned that it might make us feel gross, which happened. The winner of the competition was Bangtown, who edged out Sheila Shamu with the first Sex-Off tie breaker of the tour.
Read the official blog post from the official Air Sex World Championships website
Look at the official photos from the official Air Sex World Championships FlickR set.
Detroit
We didn’t have a show in Detroit but we did try to get lunch there. There was nothing open except for a Ham-based fast food restaurant that was packed to the max. Detroit!
Chicago
The Logan Square Auditorium was gigantic and we tried our best to “order it stuffed” and the show was good, we were able to “stuff” a few competitors in there and when we were finished with the show (with Crunchy McVibe taking top prize) we headed across the street to get some of that world famous Chicago style thin crust pizza from Little Ceasars where my good friend Mikey works. (Hi Mikey!)
Read the official blog post from the official Air Sex World Championships website
Look at the official photos from the official Air Sex World Championships FlickR set.
Kansas City
KC was a lot rowdier than I expected. We were encountered with the loudest hecklers in Air Sex history (who also competed under the names “Ah Fuck” and “Mandigo Warrior”). I ordered a portabello sandwich before the show but was told that the cook dropped all the portabello caps on the floor. The Record Bar cheered when El Rod won the crown and got extra horny when Coach Damage pretend ejaculated in his boot. We had our first day off so I went to the Royals game the next day and saw a really awesome fist fight broken up by some sort of dinosaur-looking woman.
Read the official blog post from the official Air Sex World Championships website
Look at the official photos from the official Air Sex World Championships FlickR set.
Des Moines/Omaha/South Dakota/Wyoming/Montana/Idaho
We had three days to drive across the goddamned middle of the country and we did it like pros. Our minds were blown with this Des Moines restaurant (yay!), blew a deer’s mind in South Dakota (look out!…ew!), blew right by Montana (totally only took us Thursday) and since our front light was blown out by that reckless deer, pulled over to rest in Idaho where we were blown away by a street festival in small town Wallace. Rides, people, stuffed animals, it was CRKZY. We decided to go out on the town and mingle with the locals. Every single one of them told us that Wallace is the silver capital of the world and that at this festival they drop a big ball in the river and follow it while drinking. My first thought was “…” then I thought a little more and came up with “yes please how big is the ball are you serious this really happens?” I’m bringing the kids next summer. Now I gotta find some kids!
Seattle
Back in the Air Sex groove. The city is confusing and we compare it to Tokyo, which we’ve never been to. After driving in squares we head to El Corazon and bust out an amazingly packed show. We had an avalanche of people deciding at the last minute that they wanted in so we ended up with more competitors here than in every other city. The winner was clear cut, as Uma did a Kill Bill-ish routine and won the audience over immediately. We also had dinner at a place I can’t remember where the guacamole and tacos were cheap and the salmon burger cost $119.
Read the official blog post from the official Air Sex World Championships website
Look at the official photos from the official Air Sex World Championships FlickR set.
Portland
High hopes here since Portland is like Austin (I’m told so) and Seattle was so successful. High hopes confirmed. Berbati’s was a really good venue with some really good triangle spinach food things. Classic C won the chance to compete for the world title with this Charlie Chaplin inspired piece. Best non-championship moment of this show was when the first competitor insisted on fucking a hamburger but ordered it 90 minutes before the show started so he had to fuck a cold hamburger. Down the street was one of those famous Portland strip clubs, Union Jack’s, so went to see what all the fuss was about. Since I was already in the groove I decided to scrutinize every stripper after her act and insist they strip to a mystery song at the end.
Read the official blog post from the official Air Sex World Championships website
Look at the official photos from the official Air Sex World Championships FlickR set.
Los Angeles
My return to the Studio8 house was very eventful. Commissioner Jared dropped a bomb when he announced a new event in our Smash Brothers league called the Diaper Match. The loser has to wear a diaper until they win again and I could not beat Brock for the life of me. I wore that diaper for a significant portion of that afternoon and my mortification never transformed into any burst of luck. I tried to trick Brock into a rematch the night before I left but he blamed his eyes for being so sleepy. I’ll have my revenge. We also managed to sneak in a Dodgers game and on the way back home I safely navigated us through a park filled with warrior rapists.
Read the official blog post from the official Air Sex World Championships website
Look at the official photos from the official Air Sex World Championships FlickR set.
Then I came home and wrote this recap. We have one more show to go, The World Finals, so stay tuned here or to the official site for more info on that. See you in 2010!
July 5th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
You mortified yourself even more by writing about the Diaper Match on this website, Terp! Now everyone will know!