May 26th, 2009
In the early days of Studio8.net, we liked to post what we thought were hilarious hand-drawn comics on a regular basis. And when I say hand-drawn, I mean hastily scribbled out using a mouse and MS-Paint. Often times, we would just start drawing things without worrying about there being a “punchline” or “funny part” to the “comic.” I’ve included a few of our classic pieces below. I’ll let them speak for themselves. But not before I call them subtle and brilliant and priceless. You can’t say anything bad about them.
Since we decided to trash most of our old material when we designed our new video-centric website, the Studio 8 Comics have gone the way of the buffalo – lost, forgotten, and with their scrotums removed. But that doesn’t mean they won’t be back in some way on this new site, though.
And one of these ways lies within the post that you’re reading right now. Over the years, Studio 8 has received many submissions of Comics from our fans, enemies, and lonely prison inmates. We’ve never really asked for submissions, but people felt the need to share them with us anyway. Some were inspired by our Comics, some were just uninspired, and some were completely unique in their own rights, but they all had one thing in common – they are all just as bad or worse than the original Studio 8 Comics that spawned them.
Welcome to the first batch of Unremarkable Fan Art Reviews: The Studio 8 Comics Edition. All of the comics you’re about to see were recently submitted by a guy who calls himself KilroyDaCat. Below are his comics with healthy doses of my snarky commentary smeared underneath them. Congrats, Kilroy! Not only will your name and comics live on forever on this website, you will also go home with some great prizes (revealed at the end of this review!)
Bring on the Piece of Shit Comics!
This one shows a pirate ninja with a Mega Man gun arm shooting at something out of frame and screaming something stupid at it. Look at his dumb little brown sword. Why would this guy carry such a puny sword when he’s got a Mega Man gun arm? Nobody would get close enough to this guy for him to stab them with this sword. Nobody would even want to. His gun arm looks like it’s shooting pee instead of lasers or bullets, which makes his arm less of a gun and more of a penis. Not the kind of guy I want protecting me and my Hannah Montana sticker collections.
BONUS COMMENT: I hate all his flowing ribbons and that his belt buckle says he’s #1. He’s not!
I don’t know why Wolverine has any opinion on Charmin Toilet Paper and I don’t understand why he would feel like expressing that here. It’s not tough enough for his ass? Did he try to use some and it just dissolved when it touched his wiry ass-hairs and rock-hard poopoos? This doesn’t make sense, it’s not funny, and I feel like poopoo myself for even analyzing it and talking to you about it.
BONUS COMMENT: The new “X-men:Wolverine” movie was a real piece of garbage. It actually makes me hate Wolverine, one of my most beloved comic book characters. I would rather stare at this comic for 2 hours than watch that movie again. Sad.
After looking at this one for about 3 seconds, I deleted it from my hard drive and then had to email the guy to send it again so I could put it up on this website. This man is farting fire while apparently celebrating the flammable properties of fart gas. I don’t know where he is, why he’s doing it, or what that Flammable sign is hanging on. I guess the sign is just suspended in mid-air and you’re supposed to know that it’s applicable to your farts.
BONUS COMMENT: The farter looks like a goddamn Dracula alien. No.
This one isn’t really a comic. It might be a joke, or maybe it’s an attempt at a play on words that I don’t get, or perhaps it wants to be a bumper sticker…but really it’s just nothing at all to me. Like, literally this is not an actual object that exists in my plane of reality. I can’t even talk about it or call it an “it,” because it’s not even an “it.” I’ve gone existential now. I have to stop.
BONUS COMMENT: I don’t want anyone to explain this one to me. I don’t care. I’m over it. I’m done.
Again, not really a comic at all – just a photo of 15 people who I don’t know and who I don’t ever want to meet. They look like college kids standing in front of the union at LSU. Is this a group of people from my past? Why don’t I remember any of them? Is KilroyDaCat one of the fuckers smiling at us in this picture? It’s a mystery for the ages. Did he accidentally send this photo to me? Will any of these assholes ever see this website and get angry at me for posting their picture and calling them all assholes?
BONUS COMMENT: Not eligible for a bonus comment.
You could actually silk screen this one onto some t-shirts and get a bunch of skinny-jeaned hipsters to sport it around trendy parts of town under their little black vests. It’s just cutesy and asexual and stupid enough to work. Mark my words, you will see this image on shirts in thrift shops across America within the next few years, both mixed in with all the moth-eaten maternity mu-mus and draped upon the listless waifs fluttering through the piles of musty vintage clothing.
BONUS COMMENT: Go home, hipsters.
I actually kind of like this one. It makes a daring statement and uses an interesting color palette to do so. And what can I say about that damn turkey? It just looks fantastic. You’ve got the original NBC logo referenced in the turkey’s tail feathers, which is great because it’s like a complete reboot of the NBC franchise, and rebooting franchises is hot hot HOT right now. So all the old NBC fans will be happy with this, but it opens up the NBC brand to a completely new audience. Bravo, KilroyDaCat!
BONUS COMMENT: NBC is not an actual turkey (it’s logo is a peacock, though) and I don’t want any problems with NBC because we’re featuring this comic on our website.
Dull stupid boring lame retarded…I can’t waste anymore time on this one. Next!
BONUS COMMENT: Everybody knows that skeletons don’t eat sandwiches, especially girl ones.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? If I didn’t know any better, I would say that this is an original Studio 8 Comic. It’s got all the characteristics of one – a hilarious, meta-comic punchline; the multi-panel format that creates suspense while pushing you ever forward in the dramatic arc of the piece; and a couple of characters who are so absolutely unforgettable, they make you want to start the comic all over and read it from the beginning. True story: I actually stood up in my chair, clapping and hooting loud enough to be thrown out of the library whose computer I was using to write this review. I am now in jail because of how much I love this comic. I am printing this comic out (once I post bail) and I’m mailing a copy of it to each and every American in America.
BONUS COMMENT: I’m getting this tattooed on my private parts as I type this sentence!
It’s time for a prize!
Now before you get all bent out of shape about me poopoo-ing on this poor KilroyDaCat fella’s work, you need to understand that not only will I boldly state that I genuinely appreciate all of his
half-assed garbage hard work, I’m also presenting him with a couple of prizes just for showing some small amount of dedication to this website. So KilroyDaCat can expect to find the following things in his mailbox in the coming weeks:
– an autographed copy of my book (for boys), The Semi-Complete Guide to Sort of Being a Gentleman,
– an un-autographed brand new copy of Carol Leifer’s book (for girls), When You Lie About Your Age, The Terrorists Win,
– a random prop from one of our videos, straight from the Studio 8 Prop Closet (bonus points if you can figure out which one it’s from, Kilroy!),
– maybe something else cool.
KilroyDaCat, if sending you some neat prizes for drawing these and being a good sport about my reviewings doesn’t validate me being a complete butthole to you on the internet, I don’t know what else I can do.
Now if any of you other readers want to have your own Studio 8 Fan Art thoroughly ridiculed by yours truly (perhaps with prizes involved), you can email whatever the hell it is to me and I will jump right on it like a rabid turkey. In the meantime, stay tuned for some more great videos and lots of stupid new features on Studio8.net.