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Originally posted January 2006

Old College Tries

      I went to college in 1999 and figured out that all of the things that I wanted to do with myself late 2000. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) it had nothing to do with LSU or a college diploma. I spent every moment possible building Studio 8, learning how to perform and write comedy, and trying to become an overall more entertaining person. At times, I literally put zero effort into school. What's worse is that those times when I would be really focused

	The Freshest Dude.

and try, try, try - I didn't do well. It was very discouraging, so I did just enough to get by. And I went about my business with Studio 8 matters.
      Scholarships were lost, parents were upset, tests were failed, and money was wasted. But Studio 8 was doing well. I decided to leave LSU, along with several other Studio 8ers, in the summer of 2003. I'm currently enrolled in Improv Olympics Summer Intensive Program, which is like college, only it's Long-Form Improv college. And this is the kind of college I like, the kind I can graduate from and take something out of. Unlike LSU which took too much time and provided too many distractions. Like...

        Student Government President Elections - In Spring 2001, I decided to run for the Student Government President. This worked because I had briefly dabbled in extracurricular activities like this in the past, but never as something this huge. In other words, I had the "status" so that enough people took me seriously - which they shouldn't have. When interviewed by the local newspaper (Me vs. Student Media, again, as you'll read below) I told them that my goals as Student Government President were as follows: Obtain a reserved parking space in front of the Union for myself, install triple-ply toilet paper in all stalls, and to increase pay for the President. The Reveille took the liberty of researching these goals and printed the likelihood of me accomplishing these goals in their next issue. Yes. They went to the parking and transportation director and asked him. They wrote to the Facility Service director about new toilet paper. The school was stunned to hear that LSU still has a couple of years remaining on their contract with Sysco, and they only carry two-ply toilet paper. I couldn't believe that they took me seriously enough, as everyone who followed the elections at all knew, I was running as a joke. On the day of the election, my running mate and I urged all students to vote - but just not for us. 112 of them voted anyway, but thankfully it wasn't enough to win. Unfortunately, it was enough to cause a run-off, which pissed a lot of people off since that meant another week of campaigning.

         Hiding in the sewer - In the main foot traffic area, the Quad, there are several grates that lead to some large, mysterious underground tunnel. One morning we put a chair and 1 giant pole inside one of the grates. Someone would volunteer to hop down the sewer while the others would sit on a nearby bench and give the "cough cough" signal that someone was 10 feet away. A second before they would step over the grate, we would shoot the pole out of the grate, startling the passer-by. This was a fun and innocent game that actually made us a lot of friends - and one huge enemy when I shot the rusty pole in front of an older, pregnant woman's face.
     She started shaking and she clutched onto her stomach. The bag of books she was carrying fell to the ground and she started moaning, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God...." We  thought we had maybe gone too far, but it was hard not to laugh a lot because pregnant women look funny when they panic. She stood over the grate where I was stuck, pointed down to me and told me that she was going to call the cops and have me arrested for harassing an innocent woman. And this happened after the Student Media fiasco so I was sure I was getting in big trouble.
      Luckily I got off the hook when she asked me to write down my name and student number for her. I don't remember the name I gave her, but I'm sure it was clever and mysterious. Evasive maneuver!

       Student Media - I knew from the beginning that I wanted to be involved with Student Media. I volunteered for the television station and eventually worked my way up to be the Promotions Director and got to create, write, and produce my own game show. But I apparently crossed the line when I designed my own advertisement that ran in the newspaper without the department head's permission. His name was Howard Arceneaux and he had it out for me from the beginning - something about people liking me more than him and him not being able to prevent me from holding any important office, regardless of how often he tried. Once all the smoke cleared from the initial dispute and about a year later, Studio 8 revealed The Campus Dirt, which took a giant stinky dump of shit on Student Media every chance it got, and the students loved it. Mr. Arceneaux enjoyed using our newspaper (circulation 10,000) as an example of "what not to do" in his Mass Communications class and enjoyed dragging my name in the dirt. More than one person in that class reported back to us and we countered with a front page article (Issue 7) mocking Student Media as a whole and taped the issue all over his classroom one Tuesday afternoon. The class got a nice big laugh, but unfortunately for me, Mr. Howard got the last one when he spotted me in class and reported me to the police. I got busted for disrupting a class, yet another notch against me. I was put on disciplinary probation (which prevented me from running for Student Government again) and I had to write him a letter of apology. Instead, I quit school. Haha, take that!

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