A survey conducted by LSU’s
Pointless and Not Very Thorough Statistics Program has determined that a
majority of fraternity members like to drink beer on a semi-regular basis.
Oddly enough, few students have expressed any disbelief or wonder at this
news.
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Above: Some frat guy who said that beer is neat. |
“Yeah, I like beer,” Kappa Chi
Omega president Jeffrey Fryons said when questioned if he happened to like
beer. “Beer is good.”
“Beer is pretty cool,” added
his friend Jason Tomes, member of the Pi Gamma Chi fraternity.
However, it seems that
fraternity members are not the only LSU students who like to drink beer.
Apparently, beer-drinking goes on outside of fraternity houses, too.
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Above: Another frat guy who smiled when beer was mentioned. |
“Yeah, I’ve seen frat guys
drink beer. I mean, what else do frat guys drink? I like a beer every now
and then, too, but that doesn’t make me a frat dude, does it? Man, you
better not call me a frat boy again or I will bust your lip open for real,”
commented Alex “Frat Boy” Dunham, a biology junior who is not affiliated in
any way with a fraternity.
Justin Drew, freshman member
of Tau Theta Theta, threw his unopened bottle of beer on the ground and
screamed, “You better get out my face before I go buck wild on you, son! I
don’t care if you like beer or not, you just better not say that because I’m
in a frat I’m going to be drinking beer! I could drink more beer than you
could anyway!”
Despite all of the loose ends
that this study has finally tied up, it is still not exactly clear whether
being in a fraternity brings about an affinity for beer or whether drinking
beer brings about an eventual admission into fraternity organizations.
“I drank beer before, during,
and after I got into the Delta Alpha Betas. What’s with all these dumb
questions about frat guys and beer? Do you just want
me to
admit that I’m a drunk idiot all the time or what? Dude, you’re really
asking for it with that goofy grin on your face,” quoted Stan Ferguson, a
graduate student in history.
So far, there have been no
official reports indicating that fraternity members drink any other beverage
besides beer, though it is rumored on the street that they may drink water
or orange juice on occasion.
“Of course I drink other
stuff,” answered Greg Chapman, treasurer for the Gappa Kammi Mu fraternity.
“That’s stupid to think I would only drink beer for my whole life. I mean,
I do like beer, don’t get me wrong.”
The ultimate, shocking truth
about fraternity boys and their supposed fondness for consuming beer has yet
to be confirmed by anyone, but one thing is for sure – frat guys definitely
like their beer.
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