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The LSU Union has been the center of campus social life since 1937. In
addition to providing students with a place to ‘hang out’ in between
classes, the Union also houses over 15 student organizations, such as
Student Government and the UPC. The post office, bookstore, a variety of
food establishments, a defunct theatre, and some type of concert hall are
some of the other attractions that consistently keep our Union at the
pinnacle of every Billboard Top Union chart published since 1991.
However, the LSU Union is about to get a lot better…and a lot bigger.
The Union is getting a fourth floor.
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Above: The plans call the fourth floor the
'third floor,' which is really the second second floor. |
According to rough architectural sketches, the plan is to carefully
insert the fourth floor between the existing first and second floors.
In the sweltering heat of June 2002, everything will be
moved out of the current second and third floors so that a team of sluggish
construction workers can pour the fourth floor’s foundation. After the
floor is assembled, the second and third floors will be restored to normal.
“Student involvement and interaction between floors is at an all time
low right now. The new fourth floor will no doubt send a message to the
other floors of the Union that we are not to be taken lightly,” commented
senior fourth floor planner, James Patrick. “For example, we plan on
creating a rival fourth floor barber shop to run the lower level barber shop
right out of business.”
Surrounding the new barber shop will be a fully-functioning
revolutionary tanning salon that makes melanoma-causing light bulbs a thing
of the past. Large holes will be cut in the ceiling of the new floor, as
well as through the above two floors, allowing students in the 46 tanning
beds to get tanned the safe, natural way.
Other shops set to open on the floor include Froggy’s 4-Hour Photos, another
Starbuck’s, Candles ‘n Condoms, and Broom Handle Emporium.
Not everyone involved is excited about the new
developments, especially the owners of the other three floors.
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Above: Fran Grapples owns the third floor, but
wishes she owned the first. |
“I will never call the fourth floor ‘the Fourth
Floor.’ Not only will the fourth floor really be the second floor, but it
will make life for everyone worse, not better,” complained Fran Grapples,
owner of the third floor. “I might call it the ‘Second Second Floor,’
though.”
Mike Men, co-owner of the first floor stated, “I keep
asking myself why we ever signed those papers. Just between you and me, I’m
thinking about moving my floor to some other Union”
LSU students and faculty have had mixed reactions about
the news.
Chemistry professor Carl Shadwin commented, “I remember
when they added that silly third floor fifteen years ago. No one uses that
floor. I mean, others do, but I don’t.”
Billy Redd, undecided freshman, smiled at the news and
said, “You mean there’s actually a building called the Union somewhere on
campus where students can go to eat, relax, and use as a social hub? That
sounds pretty neat.”
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