Tragedy struck Tigerland last week as Todd Duhon, the 38-year old owner of Baton Rouge’s nightclub The Tiger Bar, met with a terrible death on the crowded streets of New Orleans.  During Tuesday’s breathtaking Endymion parade, Duhon served as a cheerful thrower of beads and over-sized stuffed animals on his father’s float, which was shaped like a giant stapler and entitled “Staple Me, Mardi Gras.”

     City coroner Jim Sweffers stated, “At approximately 8 PM, Mr. Duhon, who had apparently consumed his own body weight in beer over the course of the day, lost his footing and toppled over the float’s edge.  His fall probably went unnoticed because of the ridiculously large stuffed bear that he clutched.  Or maybe the crowd saw it, but in their frenzied scramble for beads, they just didn’t care at all that somebody fell.”

     Concealed beneath a layer of discarded necklaces, moon pies, and fast food wrappers, Duhon was then trampled to death by a high school marching band, some twirlers, and a troop of doubloon-tossing mimes.  His barely recognizable body, which had also been defecated on by a mounted policeman’s horse, was found early Wednesday morning by one of the Mardi Gras cleanup crews.           

	Above: The Tiger Bar, now empty in so many ways.

     It was roughly a year ago when Todd Duhon bought out the floundering Stadium Club and reshaped it into the now-thriving Tiger Bar.  Every night he was open for business, Todd proudly stood behind the bar serving drinks and befriending the clientele.

     “He was quick with a joke or a light for your smoke, but there was some place that he’d rather be,” said regular customer, Tim Chang.  “Wait, no.  I’m actually just quoting lyrics from a Billy Joel song.  Todd was nothing like that.”

     “Todd liked to think of himself as Tom Cruise’s character in Cocktail, but he was more like the Woody guy on that old TV show Cheers,” quoted Amanda Gilmore, a Tiger Bar patron who wishes to remain nameless.

     Over the weekend, thousands of loyal LSU customers hoping to express their sorrow about the misfortune piled into the Tiger Bar and drank themselves witless.

	Above: Duhon's corpse, which got quite dirty after 80 rounds of body shots.

     With eyes bloodshot and puffy, LSU junior Jeremy Francis held up a shot of Sex on the Beach and slurred out, “Todd, ol’ buddy, this one is for you.  And this one, and this one.  Anyone else wanna buy me a shot for Todd?  Whew, I’m puking tonight!”

     No one is quite sure what will become of The Tiger Bar now that its owner and primary driving force is gone.  Allegedly, Duhon’s will specifies that in case of his death, a massive wet T-shirt should be conducted in order to determine a new Tiger Bar owner. 

     Until then, Duhon’s now-widowed wife, Peggy, out of respect for her dead husband, has put herself in the vacant spot behind the bar. 

     “We’ll miss Todd dearly.  Our family appreciates all of the prayers, get-well cards, and more importantly, donations of money that have been pouring into our home,” Peggy screamed over the margarita-mixer on Saturday night.  “Hopefully, though, students will keep flocking in like this.  Hey, where’s your wristband?  You’re not getting this margarita without one!”

     Todd’s funeral service will be held this Friday night at The Tiger Bar, where those wishing to reminisce about Todd’s indomitable spirit and timeless charm can simultaneously enjoy two-for-one mixed drinks and $1.50 draft beer.

     There will be an open-casket wake on Thursday night with penny pitchers and Hot Damn! body shots that can be taken right off of Todd’s carcass.  Ladies get in free, 21-and-up guys pay $4 at the door, and underage guys pay $20.