The LSU Office of Athletic Event Management was met with an overwhelming flurry of student complaints earlier this week when it announced that almost every student ticket for the 2002 LSU football season has been inadvertently sold to families and non-students, leaving only twelve tickets available for students to purchase when they go on sale in June.

	Above: Tiger Stadium filled to the max with a lot of people who like to watch football.

     “Essentially, we forgot about the students,” said OAEM spokesman Ernald Roberts. “We looked at the arena’s seating plan a few months ago and somehow thought we had miraculously acquired thousands upon thousands of extra seats over the past year. So we did what any typical, profit-hungry organization would do – we sold everything we could and more.”

     “How could they forget about us,” asked Nathan Nunez, biology sophomore. “I didn’t come to LSU just so I could take a bunch of crappy classes! I came to watch some good or semi-good football! And not just on TV, either. I mean the kind that you watch in Tiger Stadium, in person, while yelling a lot.”

     A number of solutions to the ticket problem have been proposed, one of which is a lottery-type distribution of the tickets that will give every LSU student an opportunity to buy as many numbered $5 lottery tickets as they desire. Sometime in June, twelve lottery ticket numbers will be drawn by the guy who wears the Mike the Tiger costume and the twelve tickets will then be awarded to those lucky individuals who own the corresponding numbers.

	Above: Tiger fans wasting a large portion of the day waiting for football game tickets.

     Another idea involves an enormous, summer-long flag-football tournament in which hundreds of 12-man teams will fight for not only mild athletic supremacy, but also the coveted right to purchase the twelve student tickets first.

     Roberts says that the only sure thing is that before it’s all over, everyone who wants tickets will end up standing in a very long line.

     Cynthia Gordon, Chi Delta Pi president cried, “Whoever or whatever is in charge of LSU is underestimating a huge tragedy in the near future. I’ve got about 200 girls who won’t get to make party cups in the fall because no one can go to the games. What will we decorate? Children’s hospitals? Yeah, that’s a lot of fun.”

     An estimated 20,000 students will be left standing outside of Tiger Stadium’s roaring gates unless more tickets are somehow produced before the fall semester. Most students will likely have to pay outrageous prices for illegally scalped tickets at the door.

     When asked how it feels to disappoint so many students and LSU fans, Roberts shrugged and said, “What can I say? Next year we’ll just have to expand the stadium again. That’s the only thing I can think of. That and money and football.”