The Office of Residential Life and the LSU Police Department are teaming up for an historic joint project that will make campus a bit safer during the nighttime.  Beginning April 1^st, a mandatory curfew will be implemented in Baton Rouge, making it a federal crime for any person to step foot anywhere on LSU campus outside of the dorm buildings from 10 PM to 6 AM, Monday through Thursday.  For Friday through Sunday, the days in which statistically more crimes are committed, the curfew will be from 9 PM to 7 AM.

    A number of factors have led up to this decision, though LSUPD Detective Andrew Winters claimed that a recent crime wave on campus has been the major reason.  “We’re getting way too many reports of robberies and batteries and raperies and such around LSU at night.  We’re all sick  of dealing with those things, so now we’re not letting anybody do anything anymore.”

	Above: Detective Winters discusses the curfew with reporters while a number of ungodly crimes were being committed on campus.

    When the curfew is put into effect, Winters will join 127 of his fellow officers in individual stations on every residential hall floor.  All roads leading into and out of campus will be blocked off or covered in road spikes to ensure that no cars will carry potential crooks onto campus, either.

     “We’re going to be taking all sorts of safety measures that we can’t quite go into at this time for security reasons.  For instance, there may or may not be a couple of trained snipers in the clock tower who will automatically assume everyone walking on the parade grounds is a criminal and needs to be shot.”

      Winters then pointed to a map illustrating a number of “Safety Zones” sprinkled around campus, such as the exact middle spot of the largest campus lake and the shadow-enshrouded walkways near the Union.  Students will be allowed to occupy these areas at any hour of the night without the penalty of being imprisoned and/or killed.  However, students must already be in the Safety Zones before curfew time, Winters was sure to stress.

     “For instance, students who aren’t in their rooms or a Safety Zone, doing something foolish like using the library, after the 10 PM curfew will have no choice but to stay in the library until 6 o’clock the next morning.  The library is already equipped with twenty-five cots that students may check out to sleep on if they should need to,” Winters added.

     Of course, students can expect their fee bills to jump up quite a bit because of the curfew plan.  According to the LSU Fiscal Office, the 200-dollar per student fee will primarily be used to purchase expensive tracking collars that will let law enforcers locate any student at any time.

     Until crime is no longer a threat to LSU campus and its students, law officials say they will continue to raise the bar in crime-fighting techniques.  This means that the near future holds more restrictions, less fun, and about the same amount of crime as before.