Random Report
2006: One Second of Pure Entertainment

     According to the grungy scientist people who manufacture and release all of the world's science-related news items, our beloved home planet is slowly slowing down, so they're adding an extra second onto the end of 2005, making our days slightly longer and almost sort of foiling the dastardly plans of time machine thieves for centuries to come. Don't believe it? Here's a Yahoo News article to prove it.
     You can't argue with Yahoo. But you can argue with Studio8.net and we're excited as hell about gaining another second and, of course, we've got a few suggestions on how you might want to spend such a once-in-a-lifetime freebie such as this.
     So, in 2006, at some point when you have a second to spend your fancy new second, you could:

- Rip a bloody chunk of hair out of your skull.

- Tighten your shoelaces just a little too much, causing yourself some minor foot discomfort for the rest of the day.

- Encourage tyranny.

- Flick that booger you were thinking about eating.

- Have an epiphany about a complex, life-altering issue you've been struggling with lately and severely endanger your future by hastily throwing all of your hard work and delicate upbringing out the window so you can follow your whimsical heart.

- Enjoy a nice piece of modern art. ---------------------------------------------------------->    

- Stage a race between a sneeze, a burp, and a fart to see which one is the fastest.

- Waste a little more of your largely unrealized life by flipping through three more channels on your television set.

- Loudly utter the word "Dee!" for no good reason and then look blankly at the camera.

- Count to one. Backwards.

- Squash a peaceful bug that was trying to find food for its young.

- Sniff your upper lip and get yourself all worked up again at its perpetually sour odor.

- Read this sentence.

- Slap at something you thought was an intruding ghost, but it's really just a Robulous CD.

- Resist lightning damage.

- Twist a baby.

- Think up a really smarmy comeback for something mean that an old friend said to you four years ago.

- Frag a n00b.

- Discover the meaning of life, write 2 groundbreaking and genre-defining novels about it, meet the lover of your dreams, and retire filthy rich to the countryside with your beautiful spouse and several children.

- Stop crying or untuck your shirt, but not both at the same time.

     Ok, that's enough to get you started. Wow, a whole second, huh? All to yourself. It's a big decision, we know. So take your time, mull over our gentle suggestions above, and after weighing their advantages and disadvantages against your own plans, you can then dedicate yourself to your decision and enjoy your beautiful free new second of life (or death, if you're already dead). Hey, eternity just got longer, folks! Cool!

This piece created by Brock & Mikey.
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