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Special Report
November is "A November to Remember Month"!

President Bush recently announced that this November would be the last November that the world would ever get to experience. Thus, Studio 8 is dubbing this final, sweet November as "A November to Remember Month." And since November is a time for giving and receiving, we are honoring its memory with some special memories of our own.

That's right, it's time for some Classic Fond Memories from All of Your Favorite and Least-Favorite Studio 8 Personalities, Employees, and Fans. Once you read these stories, you'll have even more reason to remember November, though not necessarily this November, but all the Novembers you're about to read about.

Memories from Studio 8 Employees:

I remember the first time I kissed a woman. I was nervous, she was creeped out. Both of our eyes were closed, she may have been sleeping. There wasn't any music playing, but my head was filled with tunes of brilliant saxophones and sultry harmonicas, the same tunes from the opening score of "The Mighty Ducks," as you may or may not recall. The moon was lit up bright, just as its younger brother, the sun, had been doing hours before. Yes, it was a near-perfect evening. I never kissed that girl, though, because I decided to go ahead and watch the videocassette of "The Mighty Ducks," which I had purchased from Suncoast earlier that day.
- Brock

My father said, "Son, you can't do that" and I told my father that, "If I put my mind to it, I can do it, father." He looked at me and frowned while shouting, "I'm telling you right now that you can't do that." All I did was frown back and say, "It's too late father because I already did it." You can bet that he wasn't very happy with me, but that was the first time I won an argument with my father.
- Chris

I'll never forget the time I stood up at my pulpit and announced to my loyal congregation (of the time) that I was going to preach and prophecy for the entire month of November, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, without taking a single break. Three days into the ordeal, I became very hungry and when nobody was looking (the church was empty by that time), I consumed every communion wafer and drank up two whole bottles of fermented grape juice all in one sitting. I forget the rest of that blessed November, but those first three days were terrific, verily verily I say unto you!
- Pastor Jay Michael Flimpers

Ok, I've got a memory for you guys. This is what comes to mind. Try this one on for size. It's my favorite memory. It happened a long time ago. I remember it like it was yesterday. Time seems to just fly by when you are young, doesn't it? Whenever I find myself in a bind, I like to think back to that time.
- Jared

A long time ago, as a young child, I decided to booby trap my backyard against any invading forces that would consider using my backyard during the off hours. My brother and I drilled several 2 by 2 by 1 foot holes around the backyard and covered them with leaves. The booby traps remained in the yard for several days, and before we knew it, they became forgotten. One tragic night, my father went out into the yard to feed the dog and decided that he needed to pee so he proceeded to pee by the fence. Little did he know that he was about to step into a booby trap. Is it cool if I don't tell you what happened next? OK, well, my dad peed on our booby traps. Happy now?
- Java

Memories from Studio 8 Characters:


Barbara Stanson

Four words: Double Fudge Chocolate Puffers! A happy Thanksgiving, indeed! That year I cooked the biggest, most expensive dinner I could and "forgot" to invite anyone else to join in. Needless to say, I created a new holiday tradition for myself. I indulge in that tradition for every major holiday, and of course, on every weekend!


Clay Shompson

You ain't going to catch me admitting to any faggoty old memories about going coon-hunting with my cousins and figuring out why you never want to lick a raccoon's butt without making damn sure it's dead first. I still got the shitty scars all over my nose and privates from that November and I don't feel like talking about it.


Cedric von Samiss

My friend from my homeland who is named Babs took me onto a German warship that had been at sea for three years. I was to be the dancing entertainment man for the sailor boys, but there was more plans than that in store for me. There is much pain and pressure still in my asshole areas from all of the fucking and sex.


Gammy Fritz

What do I remember most about December Day? I'd say candy-flavored jewelry, dressing up in pumpkin pies, and drinking warm jugs of whiskey water with the orphan girls who had to play pinochle with the rich gentlemen just to have a place to stay. Merry Novalenmasgivingtime one and all!


Gentleman Brock

A gentleman rarely reaches into his past to regale his exploits with another person, unless that person was there when the memory first took place. Then he may feel free to tell the story over and over to the person at little to no social or conversational penalty. A gentleman also does not don the flesh of another human being if he has not asked their parents first.


Stripes the Dog

It's not often that Jim hangs out with me or gives me attention, so this is a memory for me to remember! After a long nap, I woke up to a brown sock on my nose. I knew right then that Jim was awake! He took me out back with him into the sauna! It was so hot in there, but hanging with Jim was the coolest! After a while he went inside, where he must have forgotten about me because he left me there for a long time. I always tell myself that sometimes the coolest memories are also the hottest!


Fannie Beenerface

When you share a home with two young men, all you ever do is make memories! It's so hard to pick just one! Last Valentine's Day, I decided to make my own V-Day cereal for Dustin and Daniel! I took little rolls of dough and baked them to perfection and sprinkled them with little sugars and bits of honey! It was so yummy! As Dustin and Daniel came tumbling down the stairs, there I was in this pretty red dress rocking back and forth in a brand new rocking chair!! I told the boys that Valentine's is all about love and since I love them I was going to give them a little extra "Mom" that day! What a fun day it was, too! I had a blast!


Drake Dunlop

Last November, my roommate went home for Thanksgiving break and I stayed in the dorm room and took the opportunity to "spring" a little "fall" surprise on him! Over the next few days, I sewed razor blades and fishhooks into all of my shirts (I suspected he was wearing my shirts at the time). When he got back, he never mentioned the razors or hooks. I cut myself a few times on them, though, and my stupid roommate had to drive me to the hospital twice!

Memories from some Studio 8 Fans:

 
"My favorite memory of all time was when I got those flashing neon lights installed inside my gas tank. It was yesterday!"

- Carlos Carlos, South Dakota
 

"It's not every day that you get to go peach shopping with Mommy, but it is every day that you have to watch Daddy play Golden Tee with his friends while you serve them drinks. He doesn't really like me having any memories."

- Unnamed, Nevada


"I have lived in a closet for 15 years now, and I don't have a brain."

- Toy Teddy, Closet




"I was bit by a snake one time in my sleep. It crawled right under the covers and slip right under my pajama skirt. Then it started nipping at my genitals. It really creeped me and my Uncle Rick (who was sleeping right next to me) out big time."

- Carly, Osteroso
 

"Ever had a thousand men staring you down the pipes while you cower over like a little girl? Ever had a man twice your size spit into your eyes? Ever bled all over your one and only sandwich and had no choice but to eat it? I have. Oh, my favorite memory is beating track and field on my power pad last May with my ex-girlfriend."

- Pfc. Donald Garvisio

That's it! There are no more memories to give you people. You can keep being a prick like that and asking for more memories, but I won't put up with it for very long, I'm warning you now. You know, this whole idea was stupid. I knew it! You can't ever appreciate anything I do for you! All of the hard work and free time and all the stupid things that I wear sometimes - it all adds up to what? A few shitty memories and a handful of dead roses, that's what! It's too late now. Fuck you and fuck off, November! I wish I never heard of November or any of those other dozen or so months.

This feature written by Brock.
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Related Items:

- Special Report Main Page

- Cedric von Samiss' Main Page

 

 
   
 
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