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Special Report
November is "A November to Remember Month"!
President
Bush recently announced that this November would be the last November
that the world would ever get to experience. Thus, Studio 8 is dubbing
this final, sweet November as "A November to Remember Month." And
since November is a time for giving and receiving, we are honoring its
memory with some special memories of our own.
That's
right, it's time for some Classic Fond Memories from All of Your
Favorite and Least-Favorite Studio 8 Personalities, Employees, and
Fans. Once you read these stories, you'll have even more reason to
remember November, though not necessarily this November, but all the
Novembers you're about to read about.
Memories from Studio 8 Employees:
I
remember the first time I kissed a woman. I was nervous, she was
creeped out. Both of our eyes were closed, she may have been sleeping.
There wasn't any music playing, but my head was filled with tunes of
brilliant saxophones and sultry harmonicas, the same tunes from the
opening score of "The Mighty Ducks," as you may or may not recall. The
moon was lit up bright, just as its younger brother, the sun, had been
doing hours before. Yes, it was a near-perfect evening. I never kissed
that girl, though, because I decided to go ahead and watch the
videocassette of "The Mighty Ducks," which I had purchased from
Suncoast earlier that day.
- Brock
My
father said, "Son, you can't do that" and I told my father that, "If I
put my mind to it, I can do it, father." He looked at me and frowned
while shouting, "I'm telling you right now that you can't do that."
All I did was frown back and say, "It's too late father because I
already did it." You can bet that he wasn't very happy with me, but
that was the first time I won an argument with my father.
- Chris
I'll
never forget the time I stood up at my pulpit and announced to my
loyal congregation (of the time) that I was going to preach and
prophecy for the entire month of November, 24 hours a day, 7 days a
week, without taking a single break. Three days into the ordeal, I
became very hungry and when nobody was looking (the church was empty
by that time), I consumed every communion wafer and drank up two whole
bottles of fermented grape juice all in one sitting. I forget the rest
of that blessed November, but those first three days were terrific,
verily verily I say unto you!
- Pastor Jay Michael Flimpers
Ok,
I've got a memory for you guys. This is what comes to mind. Try this
one on for size. It's my favorite memory. It happened a long time ago.
I remember it like it was yesterday. Time seems to just fly by when
you are young, doesn't it? Whenever I find myself in a bind, I like to
think back to that time.
- Jared
A
long time ago, as a young child, I decided to booby trap my backyard
against any invading forces that would consider using my backyard
during the off hours. My brother and I drilled several 2 by 2 by 1
foot holes around the backyard and covered them with leaves. The booby
traps remained in the yard for several days, and before we knew it,
they became forgotten. One tragic night, my father went out into the
yard to feed the dog and decided that he needed to pee so he proceeded
to pee by the fence. Little did he know that he was about to step into
a booby trap. Is it cool if I don't tell you what happened next? OK,
well, my dad peed on our booby traps. Happy now?
- Java
Memories from Studio 8 Characters:
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Barbara Stanson |
Four
words: Double Fudge Chocolate Puffers! A happy Thanksgiving,
indeed! That year I cooked the biggest, most expensive dinner I
could and "forgot" to invite anyone else to join in. Needless to
say, I created a new holiday tradition for myself. I indulge in
that tradition for every major holiday, and of course, on every
weekend! |
|

Clay Shompson |
You
ain't going to catch me admitting to any faggoty old memories
about going coon-hunting with my cousins and figuring out why
you never want to lick a raccoon's butt without making damn sure
it's dead first. I still got the shitty scars all over my nose
and privates from that November and I don't feel like talking
about it. |
|

Cedric
von Samiss |
My
friend from my homeland who is named Babs took me onto a German
warship that had been at sea for three years. I was to be the
dancing entertainment man for the sailor boys, but there was
more plans than that in store for me. There is much pain and
pressure still in my asshole areas from all of the fucking and
sex. |
|

Gammy Fritz |
What
do I remember most about December Day? I'd say candy-flavored
jewelry, dressing up in pumpkin pies, and drinking warm jugs of
whiskey water with the orphan girls who had to play pinochle
with the rich gentlemen just to have a place to stay. Merry
Novalenmasgivingtime one and all! |
|

Gentleman Brock |
A
gentleman rarely reaches into his past to regale his exploits
with another person, unless that person was there when the
memory first took place. Then he may feel free to tell the story
over and over to the person at little to no social or
conversational penalty. A gentleman also does not don the flesh
of another human being if he has not asked their parents first. |
|

Stripes the Dog |
It's not often that Jim
hangs out with me or gives me attention, so this is a memory for
me to remember! After a long nap, I woke up to a brown sock on
my nose. I knew right then that Jim was awake! He took me out
back with him into the sauna! It was so hot in there, but
hanging with Jim was the coolest! After a while he went inside,
where he must have forgotten about me because he left me there
for a long time. I always tell myself that sometimes the coolest
memories are also the hottest! |
|

Fannie Beenerface |
When you share a home with two young
men, all you ever do is make memories! It's so hard to pick just one!
Last Valentine's Day, I decided to make my own V-Day cereal for Dustin
and Daniel! I took little rolls of dough and baked them to perfection
and sprinkled them with little sugars and bits of honey! It was so
yummy! As Dustin and Daniel came tumbling down the stairs, there I was
in this pretty red dress rocking back and forth in a brand new rocking
chair!! I told the boys that Valentine's is all about love and since I
love them I was going to give them a little extra "Mom" that day! What
a fun day it was, too! I had a blast! |
|

Drake Dunlop |
Last November, my roommate
went home for Thanksgiving break and I stayed in the dorm room
and took the opportunity to "spring" a little "fall" surprise on
him! Over the next few days, I sewed razor blades and fishhooks
into all of my shirts (I suspected he was wearing my shirts at
the time). When he got back, he never mentioned the razors or
hooks. I cut myself a few times on them, though, and my stupid
roommate had to drive me to the hospital twice! |
Memories from some Studio 8 Fans:
"My favorite memory
of all time was when I got those flashing neon lights installed inside
my gas tank. It was yesterday!"
- Carlos Carlos, South Dakota
"It's not every day that
you get to go peach shopping with Mommy, but it is every day that you
have to watch Daddy play Golden Tee with his friends while you serve
them drinks. He doesn't really like me having any memories."
- Unnamed, Nevada

"I have lived in a closet for 15 years now, and I don't have a brain."
- Toy Teddy, Closet
"I was bit by a snake
one time in my sleep. It crawled right under the covers and slip right
under my pajama skirt. Then it started nipping at my genitals. It
really creeped me and my Uncle Rick (who was sleeping right next to
me) out big time."
- Carly, Osteroso
"Ever had a thousand
men staring you down the pipes while you cower over like a little
girl? Ever had a man twice your size spit into your eyes? Ever bled
all over your one and only sandwich and had no choice but to eat it? I
have. Oh, my favorite memory is beating track and field on my power
pad last May with my ex-girlfriend."
-
Pfc. Donald Garvisio
That's it! There are no more memories to give you people. You can
keep being a prick like that and asking for more memories, but I won't
put up with it for very long, I'm warning you now. You know, this
whole idea was stupid. I knew it! You can't ever appreciate anything I
do for you! All of the hard work and free time and all the stupid
things that I wear sometimes - it all adds up to what? A few shitty
memories and a handful of dead roses, that's what! It's too late now.
Fuck you and fuck off, November! I wish I never heard of November or
any of those other dozen or so months.
This feature written by
Brock.
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