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Sunday Comics Report #1

For those of you who would like to read the Sunday comics in your local newspaper, but don’t have the time, energy, or will to do so, Studio 8 is providing you with the following report. It should be just as good as reading the comics yourself, but it will take only half the time. We also considered redrawing the comics for you, but that would take too much effort on our part. This will have to do for now.

The Family Circus – The stupid grandma suddenly saw/read/heard something that reminded her of her stupid dead husband, whose death she can’t seem to deal with properly. His ghost suddenly appeared and danced/cooked for/fondled/hugged his wife. Billy lost something ridiculous and searched the neighborhood for it, leaving a trail of black lines wherever he went. The mom and dad smiled. The baby cried, but somehow realized that God loves him or her and then stopped crying.

Dilbert – The office lady yelled at Dilbert for doing something she didn’t think was very cool. Then she said something sarcastic and witty to the boss. The boss got ticked off at Dilbert and said something that anyone who works in a boring office can probably relate to.

Blondie – Blondie’s stupid husband, Gilby or Patrick or Popeye or whatever his name is, did something really lazy and silly. She told him to do something constructive with his time, and since she is way hot, he started to do it. But instead, he ended up betting on a sports game while lying in the bath tub. Then the son screwed something up and asked to borrow some money.

The Wizard of Id – A mean wizard told a nice wizard that his breath stinks and nobody likes him. This upset the wizard, so he drank a potion. For some reason, the mean wizard then threw the nice one into some sort of torture chamber. The executioner insulted the wizard and the wizard became more depressed than ever. Then his head was chopped off.

Luann – Luann finally got bigger titties and tried to get Aaron, the hottest guy in school, to notice them. However, Luann’s older brother, Brad, pulled her shirt off in front of the whole school and revealed that her titties were really just a muffin and a cupcake stuffed in her bra. Brad ate the muffin and threw the cupcake at a retarded child.

Fox Trot - The youngest kid played some real nerdy game or invented something way nerdy that his big sister thought was so stupid. The next morning, the big sister found a frog in her cereal and the parents wished that they didn’t have children anymore.

Curtis – The black dad was really tired and smoked some cigarettes. Meanwhile, Curtis was stole a candy bar from the barber shop around the corner. After the little brother tattled on Curtis, the entire family was forced to go to boring, lame church again.

Prince Valiant – I don’t know what happened in this comic because: A) this comic is very boring and I hate reading it, B) if I did read it, I’d be lost because I haven’t been following the dull, tedious journey C) my local paper doesn’t run this comic anymore because everyone wrote them letters requesting this.

Comics for Kids – I learned how to draw Slylock Fox for the 15^th time. Some kid’s shitty drawing was posted. I couldn’t find all six differences between the two pictures and the trivia question about milk stumped me yet again.

Cathy – Cathy broke another New Year’s resolution and ate 15 loaves of garlic bread at one sitting. Then her boyfriend complimented her shirt because he wanted to have sex with her. However, he lost interest when Cathy started trying on swimsuits in the mirror. Cathy’s dog panted a lot and Cathy made a typical statement about women loving chocolate more than men. She then ate the dog and most of her boyfriend.

Beetle Bailey – Sergeant Lieutenant Dr. Beetle Bailey stayed up all night again and fell asleep in the middle of a drill mission. The main army guy with one tooth made Beetle run a million laps, but while he was having a good laugh, he failed to realize that it was just a life-sized Beetle Bailey doll and the real Beetle Bailey was under a tree taking yet another nap.

Hagar the Horrible – Hagar fought some dudes for a while, but he didn’t get hurt. For some reason, watching Hagar and his dopey friend raping and pillaging was really funny. It was also funny that when Hagar went home, he didn’t appreciate his wife or children.

Doonesbury – The constantly-wired hippie writer president dude got frustrated and did something that would have been semi-controversial 10 years ago. There were some obscure political jokes thrown in at the end, but I don’t pay attention to politics or the world in general, so I don’t if it was funny or not.

Garfield – Jon was this close to getting laid, but the girl laughed at his small penis, so he went to bed alone and rejected yet again. Garfield was fat and lazy and Odie was dumber than ever. Everyone drowned their sorrows in greasy foods.

B.C. – The guy with a peg leg found a stone tablet in the sea and read it. Luckily, it was a witty poem that made him smile and he temporarily forgot that he had nothing else to do on his crappy little island except for sitting under trees and waiting for more tablets to float in. The last panel had a Bible verse in it that had nothing to do with the rest of the comic.

So that's the report for this week, click here for more of these reports as well as several other neat features. If we've missed a comic that you really want to see included in this report, email us @ brock@studio8.net and we'll see what we can do.

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