Goodbye, K-Mart
Page 3
Ashamed of his earlier mistakes and prepared to offer himself as
the ultimate sacrifice, Truston grabbed a sign that read "Our Low
Price" and stood in the darkest, furthest corner of the store. Until
now, no one but the mysterious entity who took the above picture was
able to witness Truston's semi-brave, semi-insane stunt. Truston spent
the remainder of his time in that dank and despicable corner, and he
might still be standing there if the strange, camera-toting being from
above had not purchased him as the day drew to a close.
At some point in the day, Zac stooped to an all-time low, posing as
not a singular novelty, but a multitude of novelties, which served to
confuse the ailing K-Mart's manager enough so that he announced a
Blue-Light Special on everything in the store. This meant that all
prices were to be slashed down to 99% off the suggested retail price.
With savings like these, Brock and Truston's team didn't stand a
chance in hell of accomplishing anything.
To make matters worse, Brock, once an unwavering beacon of goodness
and nice things, got caught up in the extreme cycle of consumerism
chaos and found himself browsing through the aisles of discounted and
pre-opened bottles of liquor right alongside his opposing teammates.
Beating himself over the head with a few of the bottles, Brock was
able to snap out of his buying frenzy and pursued his opponents in a
high-speed chase through the barren aisles.
Their violent and bloody chase ended here in the withered carcasses
of the K-Mart's navigational markers. Various heads and body parts
popped in and out of the holes for hours until the exhausted and
outnumbered Brock collapsed into a heap of broken bones, pus-filled
wounds, and a bruised, shrunken penis. Now unfettered and
unchallenged, Brock and Truston's enemies were set loose like rabid
monkeys upon the unsuspecting K-Mart and its doomed employees.
Every switch, button, dial, and lever within the K-Mart's Main
Control Room was pushed, pulled, turned, toggled, and smashed as the
boys made one final, unified endeavor to bring the struggling behemoth
of a K-Mart down to a confrontational level. If only all of these
switches, buttons, dials, and levers were still plugged into the
K-Mart's Mother Brain of Operations, their pushing, pulling, turning,
toggling, and smashing would have served some awesome and respectable
purpose in the grand scheme of things.
Truston and Brock permanently taken out of commission, coupled with
the inescapable and constant shining of the price-demolishing
Blue-Light, meant certain doom for the already definitely, hopelessly
doomed K-Mart. Within hours, the aisles were stripped of their cheap,
picked-over, half-eaten merchandise by the rummaging mass of humanity
who compulsively bought, bought, and bought until there was literally
nothing left to buy. No products, no fixtures, no molecule of sellable
substance.
As the
sun sheepishly ducked behind the horizon, the surviving team of men
smugly climbed from the K-Mart's wreckage and turned their devilish
eyes toward the next wounded victim of American commerce, wherever
that may be. Neither the K-Mart, nor Brock, nor Truston, have been
heard from since, and it is very likely and tragic that this is how
things will be forevermore.
