On a Tuesday nowhere near Thanksgiving, Andrew won a free 25-pound turkey when his name was drawn from a bunch of other names at the local Bingo hall.  He decided to share his good fortune with a number of ungrateful Studio 8 members.

Brock attempted to coronate the turkey cooking with what he said was an ancient Native American ritual - the opening of a bag of fortune cookies.

Java posed with his pre-turkey fortune cookie as C-Trew stared at his left earlobe like a deranged pederast.

Andrew marveled at Brock's incredible fortune, which read, "A friend will marvel at this incredible fortune."

Waiting for the dead turkey's flesh to properly heat up was a tedious and boring task that no one had anticipated.  If only there were a TV around...

Heather and C-Trew passed the time by discussing famous political scandals of 14th-century Japan while the remote control enjoyed its cold plate of Soy-TurkeyLeg Turkey Product.

Heather had to get serious for a moment when C-Trew told her that Thung-Chi Mao was better at politicking than Fun-Tze Wen.  This picture has nothing to do with that moment, though.

Right when the room got awkwardly quiet, Jared made a really dumb statement about how cool he would look if he got his forehead pierced.

He felt so stupid about it, that he ate twelve plates of lukewarm macaroni and cheese, leaving little room in his massive stomach for any turkey.

Here's the pot after Jared was done with it.  The toilet bowl looked cooler, but we didn't get a picture of that.

After eight and a half hours of waiting, the turkey was at least halfway done and everyone was ready to dig in.  Notice how the turkey had already been eaten off of before it even came out of the oven.

Joel kept creepily peeking around corners and over tabletops, so he was the prime suspect in the turkey nibbling.

For that reason, Joel got no turkey and had to sit on the floor.

The cutting began with whatever rusty, dirty utensils people could find.  Juices squirted, meat flew, and tendons ripped in the tumultuous feasting.

Ashlin, who was semi-close to the turkey before it got slaughtered, and Sara, a vegetarian, sat watching the terrible display with apathy and boredom in their eyes.

This is either a turkey leg or it's a picture of Johnny B's arm when it got ripped off by a dog named Wolfie (rip).

This turkey carcass had no idea that it would be loved and cherished by so many people on what turned out to be the start of a new American holiday - Studio 8 Turkey Tuesday.