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Picture Story
Paper Pants and the Lord of Darkness
Page 1
The Eternally Damned Lord of Darkness emerged from his filthy lair, hungry and
extremely upset about a certain one of his favorite velvet cloaks mysteriously
disappearing a few days ago.
His loyal bodyguard, Paper Pants, who had pretended to look for the cloak all
week long, arrived and informed the Lord of Darkness that the ever-unreliable
Dirty Jake had mentioned to him that a real, live dolphin was going to be raped
in Tuckerman's Woods at midnight.
The Lord of Darkness (LOD) instantly forgot
about his cloak and ordered Paper Pants to recruit some young ruffians who could
stand around and watch the dolphin-raping with him.
Luckily, the Ribbed Muscle Shirt Gang happened to be loafing on the wall only
five feet away! Paper Pants offered the gang a hearty meal at the
cafeteria if they agreed to
come along.
The gang's leader was Curtis, an expert at holding empty aluminum cans at safe distances from his face
and reading their nutritional contents.
The gang's Treasurer was Duke, a guy who could smoke cigarettes without even lighting them or having
them in his possession.
The gang's Spokesman was
Leroy, a man notorious for carrying spare T-shirts and menacingly posing with
them for seemingly no reason.
The first order of business was tracking down this neighborhood kid named Andrew, who
Leroy said owned a Kodak disposable camera that they could steal and use to
document the raping with. Don't ask how this or any of the previous pictures were taken.
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