For 2 weeks in early 2003, we asked our fans for a little help, but we didn't realize the response would be as huge as it was! We received some very good work samples and also, some very bad ones. Actually, we only got lots of bad ones. We not only got applications for new graphic designers, we also got applications for new characters, new writers, new coupons, and new AOL victims, all of which are below! We don't blame you if you don't scroll down this page, because it gets pretty ugly.

Lame Article Submission
Frankie Yulingi from Dayton, Ohio, sent her article, "Nail in my brain? You must be insane!" to us. We really hope that no one ever has to read it.

Guys, I want to be a satire writer for so long. Please use this, my best piece ever done and make the world laugh with it. My parents will be so proud and i will be proud, too! Thank you, people for this.
continue at your own risk...

Lame AOL Victims Submissions
Here are some of the worst AOL Victims we have ever seen. No thanks to Corey Basil from Westwood, Georgia.

Ohmygod, I have the funnyest AOL convos sumtimes. If you guys use this, you can pay mee for them. Cool, I like your sight and i want to be a part of it!
continue at your own risk...

Lame Character Submission
The following lame character article, "I Am Thinking About Calling You Cupcake! by Craig Craigy" was submitted to us by Daniel Chang from Milwaukee, Wisconsin:

So, I have an idea for a character named Craig Craigy who is really crazy and always uses the wrong words for the wrong  things and always gets himself in trouble like a foreign person. What do you guys think? We can use this picture for him! It is a picture of my dad.
continue at your own risk...

Lame Comics Submission
Taylor McKurgen, a 9-year-old kid who used to draw comics for us, sent these two comics in, even though he said he would sue us if we mentioned him or put up his comics:

Lame Coupon Submission
Some guy named Donald Shermon claimed that he could make coupons that were funnier, flashier, and worth more than ours. We told him that we weren't looking for anyone to make coupons, but he sent this one anyway:

Lame Studio 8 Logo Submission
When Linda McAffey told us that she had a great idea for our ailing logo problems, we were very excited. When she sent us the below logo, we decided to throw her off a cliff.

Lame Song Submission
Gary Poolinsa sent in this song, which is entitled, "2 Pies and Eggs." It doesn't make much sense and it doesn't sound good. Also, pies and eggs are gross. Please don't click below to listen.

2 Pies and Eggs

Other Lame Writing Submissions
 

     Below you will see a good many of the writing submissions we received over the past few weeks, as well as the names of the people who sent them in. At the bottom of this page you will see which writers we have chosen as the winners of our contest who will move on to the next round.

Submission #1

     My mother asked me to write this because she thought that I was a good writer. She said that I would get a job on this site if I just would grow the balls and write a damn paragraph and send it in. She tied my hands behind my back and stuck a pencil in my mouth and forced me to write what you see here in front of you. She has some high dreams for me, you know. I have some high hatred for her. Ha, little does she know but when I'm done with this sentence I'm going to make the loudest poot noise I've ever made and then I'm going to slam my head down onto an extremely sharp point
on the side of my chair effectively ending it all.
- Jason Tardly, Kansas

Submission #2

     I want to be a friend of the dot dot dot 8 business. I want to write dot funny articles for the wide web. I will dot do what it takes to make my life better and dot not fall into depression. I will make people feel dot dot dot funny with my dot dot dot article. I will win.
- Karen Chang, Beijing

Submission #3

     There was a curtain of despair that hung loosely around my lover's body. Though I knew not what covered her mind I cared little for the helplessness of her soul. Gently, however, I peeled back the drapery and exposed her naked flesh. Much to my horror she had a dick, and it was smiling up at me like it wanted a tug or something. And to think, I had been with this person for more than two years. Where was that thing hiding all that time? I cared not for the answers I so fervently sought. I only began tugging.
- Haas Breckenridge, Germany

Submission #4

     This paragraph is to ensure that I make it in the world of writing. I was once a boy that dreamed of flying on rocket ships and eating shit, but now I am a full grown man that wants to write. I've written little in my day, not even enough to form a complete sentence from, but I will do better. I know I will. Now that I own a pencil I can begin my career. I will write and write and write until I die... Oh, go eat shit! I don't feel like writing anymore.
- Todd Graugson, Pennsylvania

Submission #5

     I work at Wal-Mart. I wear a red vest. Whenever a customer comes in I direct them to a local bar that I like. When they go to that bar I go also. Secretly. I follow them around the bar, one hand holding a glass of liquor and the other holding my red vest. I follow that person around the bar and I try to not say anything and I try to look as scary as I can. I like to look real mean and scary. That person may dance but I will not. I will only walk around the dance floor following that person. Soon afterwards, I will go back to Wal-Mart driving there in my blue van.
- Orlando Frankton, New Mexico

Submission #6

     What Studio8.net means to me: Studio8.net is my friend. It is a
wholesome treat that I like in the mornings. It is super absorbant so I especially like it when I'm on my period. It kisses sloppy-like so I don't like it in the back of the car with me. It picks up doo-doo so I like it at the kennel. It gets drunk easily so I like it to take date-rape drugs. It climbs high so I like it at the construction yard. It dies easily so I like it in the electric chair. Wait a minute, I need to go and take a
doo-doo.
    Studio8.net, where are you?
- Sandy Winters, Reykjavik

     We are sorry to say that none of these entries will be used or featured on Studio8.net in any way. We thank the dedicated writers for their time, but we would rather run out of material than use any of yours. No offense. Ok, maybe a little offense. Thank you all for nothing, keep working on your writing, and stay away from us in the future!

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