Dear Sushi Waitress,

             I realize that your eyes are very slanty, so I'm not sure if you have noticed how frequently I've been visiting your section of the sushi restaurant. Well, Kyionatyta, (sp?) I'm willing to look past this and start a serious relationship with you.

            I've seen the way you eye me as I place each piece of delicious sushi inside my mouth. I've noticed the way you smile when you bring me my check and I've noticed that you always add gratuity to my check every time, even though I always eat alone (a symbol of your secret desire to produce a family of six or more with me). You must also notice that I am too lovesick to approach you and notify you of this sometimes pricey slip-up.

            Kytonythraas, call me. The sushi you serve is delicious, but not as delicious as I bet you are with a side of low sodium soy sauce spread around your gorgeous slanted breasts. Your eyes are beautiful, Kyonononon. If I felt like learning your native tongue, I would end this letter with a beautiful phrase that I painstakingly translated from English just for you. But instead, I will end it like this.

Forever yours

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