Your Guide to The Real World: San Diego!

             It’s January, which means it’s another month, which means more reality programming from MTV, which means more whiny niggas, bitches, faggots, and punks complaining that MTV doesn’t play enough music, which means another season of The Real World featuring seven whiny niggas, bitches, faggots, punks, hippies, douche-bags, and sluts!

            This, what you are reading now, is your guide to the probable outcome to the first half of this season which means you don’t have to watch a single episode! Don’t believe us? Well, watch every episode and see for yourself, which would defeat the purpose of reading this. So, actually, if you are going to watch the season, then don’t read any more of this and tell us beforehand so we can stop writing this. Thank you.

 Episode 1:

Meet Brad! Brad loves to do crazy things like skyjumping and rockdiving. Brad lives life on the edge…something he can admit to enjoying! Speaking of enjoying, Brad is currently in the midst of a destined-to-fail long distance relationship of five years! Something is definitely for sure – if they can survive this, they can survive anything! Even a fatal car crash or a beheading! Brad may remind you of a giant piece of ham at first, but he’ll soon win you over with his great big southern heart even though he is from Chicago.

 Meet Jacquese! Jacquese has somehow managed to get by in life without his father being around that much. Let’s all give this proud young man a round of applause! Nobody has ever done that!! Especially a young black man. You’re really something special, fella.

Meet Cameran! Cameran is genuine and sweet and likes having sex. Cameran comes from a pretty cool family that used to be totally cool until her parents decided to get divorced, which really screwed her up. Cameran still harbors these selfish feelings and thinks the world revolves around her. Will “The Real World” revolve around her? I don’t know, but add the letters M and A after that last A and you may have solved the first mystery of the season. Or, maybe not.

 Meet Frankie! Frankie is straight up totally different. Half punk, one quarter emo, one eighth tramp, and one third trailer trash, Frankie’s personality contains elements of every person you’ve ever not felt bad for farting on in the high school hallway. Her lip piercing screams “I’m different,” the tongue piercing whispers, “I’m sexy,” and her ear rings blandly but boldly state, “What’s up.” Here’s what’s up- you eventually secluding yourself from your roommates and alienating yourself from future all-star challenges!

 Meet Robin! Robin has big fat titties. And that is basically all there is to her. Round, luscious titties that bounce with every breathe she breathes. Oh, she has nipples, too. They aren’t that cool though. They’re just nipples. Nipples on top of big fat titties.

 Meet Jamie! Jamie wants everyone to know that she will tell you straight up whatever is on her mind and she really means whatever. Born and raised in Korea and she will tell you straight up that she is a straight up red-blooded straight up Korean! Got a booger in your nose? Some blood sticking to your lips? Jamie is the girl to let you know because she just does not care. She will tell you when that outfit looks bad and she will tell you that your hips are getting a little pudgy. What she will not tell you is that some dude ate her out on your bed and that another guy felt her up wearing your favorite mittens.

 Meet Randy! Randy likes artsy stuff and is very talented, ok? Don’t let the skinny frame and shaggy hair fool you, this guy is into music and art galleries and shit. He thinks he might fall head over heels for a girl…but he’s not sure! Randy just might linger in the background and play it cool for this season. That is, until his big art show! Hey, everyone go to Randy’s art show! Oh, Randy just met a girl!

Episode Summaries

Episode 3-w: The Motorcycle Episode

            Brad forgets which kind of motorcycle is his favorite, so he spends all day shopping up and down the city meticulously scanning each and every bike in every store he comes across. At one point he gets a little tired from all that shopping and stops for a great American lunch – cheeseboigy, frenched fried fries, and a large Coke!

            In the end, Brad finds a new favorite motorcycle, lifts some weights, looks real dumb, and grows another couple of inches further apart from his girlfriend.

 Episode 4-2: Triple Kiss = Triple Trouble

            When Jamie, Robin, and that other chick drink a little bit too much liquor, things get a little

	Above: Two of the Real World girls doing something they've never done before, while the Real World boys get real horny - something they've never done before...yeah right!

naughty! Before they know it, they are engaging each other in a romantic and lustful triple kiss. All the boys agreed that this triple kiss made them very horny, and the crowning triple peck at the end wrapped everything up in a great way.

            But not so fast. When the liquor evaporates from Robin’s intestines, she realizes the mistake that she made. Robin had promised her sorority sisters back in spring break 2002 that she would never triple kiss with any other two girls – a bond she so proudly broke a mere 12 hours ago.

            Would Robin’s sorority sisters extract revenge in a big way? Probably not. Stay tuned!

 Episode 5-o: Feeling Good…or Not!!

            The whole gang has been up all night doing the usual. Randy has been thinking about the stuff while sitting next to Jamie who has been staring at things. Brad has been sleeping, Jacquese was lying down with his eyes closed (but not sleeping), and Cameran was taking a cat nap. Everybody else was doing something else.

 Episode 6-5555: Oh God

            When Cameran wakes up one morning feeling lonely and worthless, she knows she has to do one thing – call her little brother who always has some sort of answer to her latest problem. Except, her little brother accidentally calls the black guy a nigger, but it’s okay because they were raised in a racist family and never ever ever knew a single black person. So, it’s cool.

 
 Episode 7: Season Review

            When Cameran wakes up one morning feeling lonely and worthless, she knows she has to do one thing – call her little brother who always has some sort of answer to her latest problem. Except, her little brother accidentally calls the black guy a nigger, but it’s okay because they were raised in a racist family and never ever ever knew a single black person. So, it’s cool.

             What will become of the 7 strangers? Will they live in this house and abuse the opportunity to live a brief, but fancy life? Will they get in the occasional fight, but have the occasional sex? Will they cry every now and then and scream in joy every once in a while? Will they fall off the face of the planet in 6 months? Will you watch every episode religiously despite knowing the answer to all of these questions? Will we end this article with a question?

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