Studio 8 Classifieds
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Help Wanted

Services

For Sale

Personals

Misc.

I need someone to help me count the number of Crayons in my son’s Big 144 Crayon Box.

Please call Fannie @ 555-6704.

Bubby’s Amputee Cabaret now hiring for all positions.

Must be willing to get nude and cut off one or two of your limbs onstage.

BIG $$$$ to be made!

Located somewhere on Jefferson Avenue.

Does anybody know where my pants are? They are on sale at Dave’s Used Pants Outlet Center. Please don’t buy them before I do. They are blue and a little worn. Thanks.

I need someone to give me everything they own because I don’t feel like working anymore. No poor people, please. 555-0403.

Need someone to drive me to the circus next time it comes to town. Call Larry @ 555-5854.

I am looking for someone to take over my Friday shift at Chick-fil-a.
Call Rodney @ 555-2923.

I want your used tampons! Will pay nicely (with eternal life).

Call Lestat @ 555-2312.
 

Tired of looking for a babysitter? There is a better way. Call Child Extermination and Pest Control at 555-2890.

Stinkles the Clown

Available for anything but parties, celebrations, or other happy occasions.

555-2525

Ace Leaf Depositing Service. Will put dead leaves on your lawn for modest fee. 555-0103.

I make my own lava lamps out of sand, water, and old lava lamps. You can too with my book. Call Sarah @ 555-2332.

Do you have a Gambling Problem? Cool.

Fred @ 555-7899

Pick your very own flowers out of your very own garden! Guaranteed to work or your money back and a new flower-picker! 555-7854.

Madame Siska can foresee soap opera futures. Call her to find out what will happen next week in all your favorite soaps! (The Young & the Restless not included). 1-555-609-2222.

Free voice lessons!

Only $40 per hour!

Call Rumbles Throat Cancer Clinic @ 555-0015.

Someone bothering you? For a modest fee, I’ll bother them for you. I may end up bothering you in the process, but it’s worth it, right?

Jim @ 555-2319

Fall down a lot? We’ll pick you up. Linda’s Pick-Up Services. 555-2212.

Want to watch old tapes of MTV’s Road Rules? Please call Theo, please. 555-5677.

I heard of people doing this for extra cash, so here goes. One coffee can full of my plasma for sale.
$12 or best offer. 
Call Francis F. Fegural @ 555-3483.

One-year supply of yarn and six-month supply of kittens for $40. Willing to trade for old Monsters-In-My-Pocket action figures.

Dax @ 555-1200

Nintendo 64 for sale. I paid 200 dollars for it when it first came out, but I am selling it for only 185.

Save FIFTEEN DOLLARS!

Stan @ 555-6566.

For Sale: One moderately-used Rambone dildo. Call Ferdinand @ 555-0214.

Used Nokia 850 for sale. This phone features the top score ever on Snake.

Call Drake @ 555-2130.

For Sale

Four $100 paychecks. Asking only $50.

Call Henrietta @ 555-2329.

This and that for half-off @ Nina’s What-nots and Knick-knacks Shack!

Moving and must sell 2 donkeys, 3 pink bookshelves, and a razor-sharp axe. Willing to trade for 2 horses, 3 green bookshelves, and a dull machete. Call Tim @ 555-3700.

Unlimited Minutes Phone Card!!!

Can be used between 2:23 a.m. and 2:24 a.m. Call Richie @ 555-7457 at 2.23 a.m.

For sale: One battery charger. Will trade for rechargeable batteries. Email me at KarlwithaK@sbc.com

Give me a break, would ya? Stan. 555-7784.

No fatties please.

Cute, witty, blonde male, 23, seeking fun, fit, blonde female, 21-25, who likes movies, riding bikes, and collecting rocks. Call Jared @ 555-4309.

Fun, fit, blonde female, 23, seeking cute, witty, blonde male, 21-25, who likes movies, riding bikes, and collecting rocks. Call Greta @ 555-4105.

Roses are red, violets are blue, maybe one day we can get together, but I’ll probably have dead baby breath, so let’s not.

Ferguson @ 555-4509.

I like lots of things and doing things.

Randall @ 555-9993.

Is your refrigerator running? BETTER GO AND CATCH IT! Hopefully that joke caught your attention. I am desperately looking for some attention. I am craving for somebody, anybody, to talk to. I don’t care about what. Help me!!! James @ 555-5097.

24-year-old male looking for 18-year-old male to believe everything I tell him about my social life.

Call Shamon @ 555-9003.

I need what you got, girl! Hook me up.

No skinny girls.

 Shante @ 555-2124.

I’m a sick, sick man with a thing for you. Call me or pay the price. Jason @ 555-6667.

I'll never tell. Call Tiffany @ 555-7613 and I’ll tell you what I would never tell anyone.

MISSING CHILD!

Have you seen my son? Please call me @ 555-3454.

I can’t remember what this ad was for. If you know, call Ted @ 555-2323.

Mary, I love you!

Your darling, Joseph.

Joseph, let’s be friends. I knew you were taking out the above ad for me, and I’m not ready for that, so I took out this ad. Your ex-darling, Mary.

Call me if you hate reading the crummy Classified ads section, too.

555-3970

Please put my classified ad in the third row at the top. Thanks.
A-Rod @ 555-6553.

Eric? Erica? Which one is it? Call me immediately. Trevor @ 555-6798.

I am the father of a special girl who resembles an angel. I just wanted you to know that. Dave @ 555-0999.

Obvious Subliminal Message: Support Studio 8 advertisers.

I can’t believe this is going to be on the internet! Oh my god, this is so great. Ok, ok, what should I talk about? Hmm…this is harder than I thought. Oh well, I guess I’ll just go listen to my new Black Eyed Peas CD. They rule! Debbie @ 555-9898.

How do you work this thing? I don’t know how to work this thing. – Erin @ 555-3342.

I can help you figure out how to work things. I know how to do that. – Eric @ 555-3342.

Miscellaneous announcement #245. 555-9943.