It turns out that whoever was in the truck had struck me in the back with a fesh piece of pepperoni and onion pizza, which tasted all right I guess, but it was from PJ’s Pizza. I’ll eat PJ’s Pizza if I can’t find anything else open at 2 in the morning, but it’s usually pretty disappointing.

So I lost both Sno-Balls and had to walk right back and buy two more (with warm pizza sauce smeared all over my back and freezing cold Sno-Ball juice soaking into my front). My walk home was long and bittersweet to say the least. Not to mention my couch looks and smells terrible right now because I had to lay down on it after eating my Sno-Balls.

I’m not sure whether I am supposed to be embarrassed or flattered when people throw food at me from moving vehicles. A few days ago, a guy on a bicycle hit me with a half-eaten hot dog that had mustard, ketchup, relish, and mayonnaise on it. I wasn’t sure if it was an accident, but he didn’t stop or turn around or anything.

I knew better than to even pick up that hot dog because it had bounced off me and landed right in an ant pile. I’ve been burned one too many times trying to wrestle food away from stingy little fire-ants.

	Above: I got sad and drew a picture of a food fight that looked very similar to this, except there were no cat people and the only person fighting the food was myself.

          Now usually when I go out in public, I have a decent time. But when I have bad experiences like these, they make me wonder if I should even step foot outside my door unless it’s to go pick up food or rent a movie.

            Waiting in line at the grocery store the other day, a little kid got yelled at by his mom for throwing Jelly Beans at me. Does everybody get food thrown at them or am I just some sort of magnet for other people’s food?

            You don’t see me wasting any of my food tossing it at every Joe Blow I see on the street. I mean, I consider myself to be a nice person and all. Once I even donated some old cans of creamed corn to one of those big red barrels at the Dixie Food Mart.

I just don’t think the way to feed poor people is by splattering food all over them at 35 miles per hour. Maybe I’ll write a letter to a congressman or the American Red Cross about it. Also, I guess I’ll have to get my car fixed so I don’t have to walk as much.

Of course, that won’t stop people from throwing donuts at me when I walk through the school cafeteria. Oh well, life goes on…

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