Pulling up a short clip of the tape on her laptop computer, Delgado continued: "See, right there Paris is facing the camera, buck naked, and I can see that she's very clearly riding up and down on top of that dude's erect penis. I mean, I can see it going in and out of her vagina. There's no way I can look at her in the same way as I did before. Her innocence is blown away for me now, pun totally intended."

     Before the scandalous tape's public distribution, the 22-year old hotel heiress was generally viewed as a vapid, spoiled, drug-abusing, useless professional party attendee. Hilton claims that now, because of the leaked footage and needless media frenzy, she is widely viewed as a slutty, vapid, spoiled, drug-abusing, useless professional party attendee.

     "Why do people hate me so much," Hilton whined to her teacup poodle, Miss Fitsies, whom she carries everywhere she goes. "I'm always feeling good and smiling a lot and it's not like I'm ugly or poor or anything."

     Other members of the Hilton family have also expressed doubt about the existence of Paris' maidenhead.

     "Even though the camera undeniably cuts off between the close-up shot of [Paris] giving [Rick] a blowjob and the scene where she's just taking it like a champ doggy-style, her mother and I still believe that it's really [Paris] the whole time and that she is perhaps technically not a virgin anymore," said Hilton's father, who claims to have seen the video "at least 25 times just to make sure it's her."

     "I first began to question whether or not Paris was still a virgin after she and I got wasted and tag-teamed that trio of cute French hockey players," said Nicki Hilton, the younger sister and roommate of Paris. "We fucked for three days straight, slept for twelve, and puked for three. Life is hard like that, you know?"

	Above: Paris Hilton looking at something that she thinks is funny and reacting with a stupid-looking smile.

     With accusations and lawsuits flowing in and out of high-profile lawyer offices, Hilton insists that to this day she remains sexually pure, that Solomon is a dirty liar, that the sex tape does not exist, and that she was not aware of any film in the camera when she was having hours upon hours of sex with Solomon. Hilton also added that the only reason that she and Solomon made the tape of themselves having sex was so they could watch themselves having sex while having sex.

     Some people, displaying an intelligence that offers some hope for humanity's future, find the scandal, as well as any of the Hilton's trashy, boring escapades, to be a complete waste of news space.

     “What's that rich bitch so upset about anyway? I downloaded the [Hilton sex] tape on Kazaa and all I saw was a monkey drinking its own piss,” said Daniel Gloonell, a 24-year old street vendor from New York. “I'd be kinda proud if I made something like that.”

     To view the Hilton sex tape and decide for yourself, click here.