A semi-provocative nude photograph of the pop country trio known as The Dixie Chicks will grace the cover of the popular, useless entertainment magazine, Entertainment Weekly, on May 2, 2003. The three women, who were recently shunned by fans after news sources quoted them as being “ashamed of Bush,” say that they hope posing nude with key words and phrases scrawled all over their bodies will prove to fans and ex-fans alike that they “are not ashamed of Bush like the media makes [them] out to be.”

Natalie Maines, the sometimes chunky/sometimes hot lead singer for the band, said, “No, we are not ashamed of President Bush. We don’t even watch politics or anything like that. The only thing we’re ashamed of is-”

“Our last album,” interrupted fellow Dixie Chick singer and violinist Martie Maguire, whose nose is kind of big. “We are ashamed of all of our country western albums. But we’re not ashamed of anything else, right girls?”

After an awkward silence, Emily Robison, the other member who looks all right, but is sort of cross-eyed, added, “We’re also not ashamed that we had to pose naked for Entertainment World, but that’s the only way we knew how to show how not ashamed we are.”

At this point, this confused reporter pointed out that on the magazine’s cover, the singers’ naughty parts have been conveniently obscured by their hands, elbows, and carefully-arranged legs. The Dixie Chicks glanced nervously at each other and said nothing for some time.

“We’re ashamed of her bush, ok?” Robison blurted out after a few moments. “Natalie [Maines] never shaves her pubes and it’s disgusting! That’s how this whole mess got started.”

“It’s true,” commented Maguire. “Right before the Entertaining Weekly Magazine photographer snapped his picture, I was able to sneak my elbow up just in time and cover up her terrible bushy vagina.”

“I really don’t know why they posed naked like that,” said Arkansas resident Darlene “Buck” Hutch, who once wore a different Dixie Chicks t-shirt to the bowling alley every night she went. “Who cares? They hate America! They were probably just trying to show off their titties or something.”

When asked if the point was to showcase their nipples, vaginas, or anuses, the trio responded in unison with a hearty “No!”

A once-devoted Dixie Chicks fan in Kentucky, Dale Tird, who claims to have personally purchased and incinerated over 100 Dixie Chicks compact discs after he found out they were against the war in Iraq, said that even though he hates the Dixie Chicks, he is still interested to see the nude photo as soon as possible.

"I heard that one of ‘em has a little bit of the 'whisker bisker' on her twat area, but I don't know if that's true,” Tird said. “All I know is now that the war’s over, I got to find where I buried all those burnt-up Dixie Chicks CD’s so I can tape ‘em back together and try to listen to ‘em on my 8-track again.”