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Gentleman Brock
(A Studio 8 Original Sketch)
Gentleman Brock here with a few tips for those of you
who aren't particularly gentlemanlike in your daily activities. So please
settle down and follow these rules carefully.
A gentleman never fondles the children of others. He politely reserves that
for the privacy of his own home.
A gentleman may socialize, but not romantically date, with those outside of
his species. Brief sexual encounters are the only exceptions to this rule.
If a gentleman is rejected after he asks to rape a young lady, he smiles and
excuses himself, perhaps expressing his hopes of a future acceptance.
After snorting cocaine off the belly of a hooker who is in a heroin-induced
coma, a gentleman always remembers to clean up any blood, vomit, etc. that
might escape from the hooker's mouth or nose.
When a gentleman breaks wind in the presence of others, he quickly places
his head as close to his anus as possible, inhaling deeply in an attempt to
absorb all offensive gases.
When invited to a mustard party, a gentleman always brings yellow mustard,
ketchup if he wishes to offer a light-hearted joke, but never dijonnaise.
If a male companion offers a gentleman a tasty nut, the gentleman refrains
from giggling, opting instead to merely pinch the left testicle of he who
offered the nut.
A gentleman always remembers to thank the chair that allowed him to occupy
it, usually in the form of a thank-you letter.
A gentleman slowly sips his coffee until finished, even when he realizes
that someone (likely not a gentleman) has replaced his coffee with rancid
stomach bile as a joke
If a gentleman's penis falls out of his trousers in the midst of a social
situation, he tries to pass it off as a large, penis-shaped zipper for his
trousers
If you would now kindly take your computing device and direct it to
www.studio8.net, you might find more gentlemanly advice like this. Thank you
faithful listeners for keeping your hands off of each others' genitals long
enough to listen to me.
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THIS
SONG!
Written and Performed by: Brock
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