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Originally posted March 2005

I am the Commander of This Palace

      It was late March and I still needed a job. The CC's Coffee House fiasco made a funny page on a website on the internet, but I didn't make any money. In fact, I never went back and got a check for the 6 hours I was there. But I kept their apron and hat, muah haha! Eh. Yeah.

	My good outfit.

      Having no vehicle and needing cash fast, I knew I had to work at a restaurant within walking distance of my house. Luckily for me and my house, there are plenty of them. And although I had no intentions of ever being hired, I still applied at the King of all Fancy New Orleans Restaurants - Commanders Palace.

      The prices are outrageously expensive, the food is small, the tou

rists are crammed in there, and the waiting list is always huge. And in I walked, pretty much looking like this -

       After filling out the obnoxiously long application, I sat and waited for a manager to come interview me. I waited for 15 minutes and nobody came by. A couple of guys walked past me and laughed at me, though. And then 10 more minutes went by. Then this giant Italian guy named Horneo walked up to me. When he talked, it sounded something like this-

       "You come in here, in a fine dining place like here, looking like that, looking like you look now, you will get laughed at they will never hire you, you might as well go home because nobody will hire you, you need to get your hair cut, you need to shave, you need new clothes, let me tell you something - fine dining restaurants have high standards and if you want to get hired, you better come in here looking professional!"

        It was one big sentence like that. He didn't even let me talk. When he walked away, I was thinking that he was probably right and that I was wasting my time. But I thought that I had made it this far so let's see what would happen. I played some shitty golf game on my cell phone while I waited for the interview.

        Another 10 minutes went by until Jeff came by. He sat down next to me, shook my hand, and then we talked about restaurants and working and then I looked up and saw Horneo watching me from the window. Then Jeff stood up, thanked me for the interview, and said, "Okay. Come in on Friday at 7 for training. Here is a list of clothes you need to buy for your uniform. We'll supply the apron. Congratulations."

        I was very confused at this point.

        Now I'm thinking, "Maybe I should take this job? It would be ridiculous money." I would have to spend close to $300 for the uniform: black pants with a satin stripe on the side, a super-starched tuxedo shirt, black shoes, and black socks. I was still debating. On my walk home, I called my Mom to share the news.

        In the middle of my talk with my Mom, I hear a familiar voice.

        "Hey! Hey! Come over here!" Yeah, it was Horneo. A full 3 blocks from the restaurant walking on the other side of the street. "Hey! So, tell me this - what did Jeff tell you?" He had a little I-told-you-so smile on his face. Then he had a foot-in-his-mouth face when I told him that I got hired. To prove it, I pulled out the card Jeff gave me with the list of things to buy for the uniform. Horneo looked pissed and this is what he sounded like -

         "Let me tell you something - you better come in here with black socks and black shoes and nothing less and if you dare come in without even black socks, they will turn you away and don't even bother coming unless you're going to be 5 minutes early because we don't want slackers and you better cut your hair, what did he tell you about your face and your hair?"

         He told me I could keep them, just to trim my beard a little. Horneo didn't like that.

         "You better starch your shirts and come in looking respectable I'm not going to let you get away with anything." Horneo was getting pissed.

          Here is my favorite part about the story. This whole time, I'm thinking it was just coincidence that Horneo and I were walking in the same direction, but no. When I turned around, I watched as Horneo walked all the way back to Commanders Palace. He walked all the way out to catch me just to say I told you so because he thought I didn't get hired.

          That Friday morning I woke up, looked at the list of things I had to have, looked at the clock, looked at the list again, and then went for a walk to get breakfast. I never bothered to show up, but if I did, I think Horneo and I may have become very close friends.

           To Horneo!

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